how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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