I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
