Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
