Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
