He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
