I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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