I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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