Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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