and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
