I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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