I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
