There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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