then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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