Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
