I'm lost and stupid without you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
