i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
