I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
