I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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