Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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