I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
