I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
