I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
