Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
