She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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whose parrot is this?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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