just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
