Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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