Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
