Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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