drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
