New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
