Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
