I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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