There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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