dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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