If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
