I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
