You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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