Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
