ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
