watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
