I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is the high leading the old right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
