The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
