apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
