And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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