Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
love makes seman taste better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
