Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
