i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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