you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
