Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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