he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
