and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm like, not good at living.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
