I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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