That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
