All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
