ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
kristin has been a bad kristin
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
