Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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