Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
