I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
