i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
