No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
