i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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