Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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