Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
