WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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