We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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