i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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