please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize