you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
