Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
