i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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