I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
