Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
