So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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