my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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