she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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