It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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