well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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