I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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