; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
