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• (310): View more from California

   I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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• (631): View more from New York

  Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key

  (631): View more from New York

  had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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• (415): View more from California

  Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!

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• (518): View more from New York

  I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger

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• (607): View more from New York

  Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  But what if it got lost?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.

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