we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
