i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
